A snippet on the back cover describes that the book “will transform your sex life.” I think it does much more: as a woman, it transforms how you look at yourself, physically and emotionally, it forces you to take seriously your current context (are you stressed, are you relaxed, are you happy with yourself), and gives back control of your body, simply
from knowing how it works. All of this translates into how you feel about sex.
A lot of the conclusions run counter to cultural, social messages. But take a moment to reflect, and it is actually quite intuitive. Your body knows it’s true, and now the heart can know it too. There is no quick “on” button, not even for men. There is no such thing as a “sex-drive.” If you don’t feel all hot for it, it just means maybe you have your ‘breaks,’ on. And for good reason too: there is plenty for women (and men) to consider before jumping into the sack, such as: social judgement, health and safety, unwanted pregnancy, mental well-being, and physical confidence, to name a few.It’s a two-step process of switching on your ONs and turning off your OFFs. And loving yourself, just as you are, is actually a huge step in accepting, receiving, and giving love.
Lastly, if “context” is emphasized, creating an environment in which we are open, honest and non-judgmental on the topic of sex, or any topic for that matter, is vital. That will be my own homework (that, and loving my post-twin babies bod), so that one day, my teenaged boys won’t be mortified that mum gave them this book (or the updated edition) to read.
“Treat cultural messages about sex and your body like a salad bar. Take only the things that appeal to you and ignore the rest. We’ll all end up with a different collection of stuff on our plates, but that’s how it’s supposed to work.”
“Our expectation that people are supposed to be all one way will only make some people ‘right’ and other people ‘wrong,’ when there’s nothing wrong that a different context wouldn’t fix – and nothing right that a wrong context couldn’t break.”
“Because if sex is a drive, like hunger, then potential partners are like food. Or like animals to be hunted for food. And that’s both factually incorrect and just wrong. This matters. If we think sex is a drive, like hunger, then we might start giving privilege it doesn’t deserve. But if, on the other hand, we treat it like the incentive motivation system it is, might not the culture change?”
JohannaAirth 